The story of a single / solo mom
Where to begin…far back, just a few years back, the now? And what is the point of writing this book? I hope that my story can inspire others to change. To grow personally and to change out of bad circumstances. Change is not always easy, but if you put your mind to it, it can be done.
Driving in the car just now, I had the whole start of this writing flow to me. But now I am blank. It’s like waking up from a beautiful dream and not remembering it. You just remember the feeling.
Ok, who am I? I’m Monya. A mother of two beautiful and bright kids, and a photographer. And I forgot to mention I’m a single mother. Perhaps I forgot that part on purpose. I’m tired of the ‘single mother’ crap. And at this point in time, the “struggling single mother”. It is so annoying. I want to be a thriving mother.
Let me explain a bit of my frustration with the ‘single mother’ concept. Whether it’s the ‘struggling single mother’ or just the ‘single mother’. The concept of a single mother is normally followed with things like “Gosh, you have your hands full. Poor thing”, “take it easy on yourself, you have a lot to deal with” or “How do you manage? Shame”. The single mother is not a disease. People feel sorry for you, but they also stay two arm’s length away from you, in fear of catching the “single mom disease”. Or worst yet, in fear that the ‘single mom’ is going to steal your ‘husbank’, or was that the husband? Ok, a bit cheeky of me. Sorry. I just hope to change the stigma around the ‘single mom’ and share some frustrations.
I want to refer to myself as a mother. Yes, I am raising my kids alone, and yes, there are challenges at times. We all have our struggles; let us just put them out there. I think it also has a lot to do with one’s approach. There are some upsides to doing it alone. For example, when you leave a toxic relationship, there is more space for yourself than there was before. And then there are the downsides as well, where humanity’s natural need is to have companionship. But this is not what I want to focus on right now.
There is no right or wrong between single-parent or both-parent households, or couples who split up and managed to co-parent so successfully. And I must admit, I am envious of those people who get it right. You set an example to many who can only wish to get it right. In the case of a split family (whether it was divorce or break-up), the ideal situation is a healthy household and making the most of the path one is on. Do I wish for my kids to have a healthy two-parent household or to have separate stable households? Of course, I do. But that was not the way things worked out, not the path we are on.
Ok, so where did things go wrong, if we dare ask such a simple question?
My childhood foundations were laid a bit skewed, creating a flawed framework. It leads to some wrong friendships, some wrong work environments and ultimately long-term relationships as well. One thing led to another, and then one day it was like a brick hit me square in the face. And I ask myself, “What the hell just happened? How did I get here?
There are parts of the story I will tell and parts that are not for me to tell. What played off in my life affected several different people. And there are those who call me crazy and believe me to be. Perhaps I am, or perhaps it’s their way to control the gossip and protect their image. Or perhaps I am just crazy – I do not think I have met a crazy person to compare with, and in today’s world, this term is used so fast it can mean different things in different contexts. Ok, enough crazy talk, let’s carry on. It is up to you what you define as ‘crazy’.
Ok, wait. I had to Google it. Call me crazy or obsessed with loving facts. I googled the term “meaning of crazy” and this is what came up:
- (adjective) Mad, especially as manifested in wild or aggressive behaviour.
- (adjective) Extremely enthusiastic
- (adverb) Extremely
- (noun) A mad person.
You decide what the word ‘crazy’ means to you when labelling a person with this word….(the start of juicy diary tales…)
